«How could you think that my administration didn’t know how to prepare for millions of people trying to simultaneously find out what their options are for obtaining health insurance?» Obama laughed dismissively. «Hello, I don’t screw up: that would be Republicans, who don’t even know how to take the government hostage and get something in return! Remember that ‘Yes, We Can!’ is the motto of my campaign and my administration,» he noted, without adding that evidently something No, We Can’t do is access the HealthCare.gov web portal.
The President explained that the «Server not found» message that millions of users saw on their screen as they tried to access HealthCare.gov was simply the name of one of several new health insurance plans that will be offered, and that those who saw it were automatically enrolled in it. Other similar plans are «Problem loading page,» «The webpage could not be found,» and «Oops! Google Chrome could not find healthcare.gov,» each one, according to the Obama administration, «just as good as the next one, and completely and absolutely real –well, as far as you know, ‘cause you won’t have a way to verify it!»
Millions of Americans questioned the administration’s assertion that they were all successfully enrolled in the new health plan, especially when the page did not even get to ask them for their personal information. «Ah, don’t worry about it: we have all the personal information about every person that tried to access the web portal,» Obama claimed with a creepy knowing wink, and, looking straight into your eyes, added: «And hey, you; yeah, you: you should go to a doctor and get those spots on your neck looked at, ‘cause you never know!»